With Frog In Throat

It has been said that much of writing is about finding one’s voice.  And here I am, next to speechless, stricken with stage fright.  All those Clever Ideas I had earlier have dissipated like clouds blowing across a wide sky.

Well, alright then.  Here we are at Post One.  Allow me to introduce myself.  I am not Boozilla, first off.  Boozilla, or she who rules all, is a parrot and that is all we’ll say about THAT for right now.  The name should give a tee-tiny hint, however.  And she DID learn to fly by navigating around through our house room to room with a few dramatic conk-outs, as I have learned to fly by navigating however dyslexically and accident-prone-ly through…well.  Through.  Over.  Around.  Under.  Sideways. Which brings us to the Now, wherein I am in the still early days of launching my practice in alternative medicine.  I believe it is early days until about ten years after, and we may also say: VERY alternative medicine.  So.

One of my teachers quoted Dolly Parton at a particularly complex juncture: “Find out who you are and do that.”  Part of finding out who I am involved understanding what was outside me and what was to be done about all that.   Which in addition to accounting for why it has taken me so long, also, finally, we hope, brings us to an actual point.  Authority.  Who do we listen to? What are they saying? and Why?  Not only is this a relevant question for each of us but overwhelmingly relevant in the world right this minute.  Being rendered speechless by what one sees and hears is almost a quotidian experience now.  Distrust of what one sees and hears.  All kinds of things are said by all kinds of people who, once you really look at it, have no experience to back up what they’re saying.  Or, worse, the motives behind what they’re saying are questionable to say the least.  Thinking about all that is happening now in the world, everywhere, can be a paralyzing thing.  Overwhelmed by it all we think we can do nothing, or else jump on some information surge we’ve received from…see authority above.   Or, just ignore it all, what the heck.  It becomes now, then, absolutely crucial to understand what we’re hearing, who is saying it, and why.  I think that is a big part of why I write.  I hope it will be a big part of why some will read what I write.  That, of course, and the ever amusing stories of my accident prone encounters along the way.

Today finishes with two things.  First, I passed, at long last, the baguette test.  One thing I do to revive myself after extended periods of crawling around on my eyeballs is bake.  I have a sourdough starter that I began many years ago. I finally made baguettes with it a few days ago.  The challenge of rolling something shaped like a softball into a long wand shape, well, piffle.   In addition to having the desired effect of making me feel like a human being again, they were..well, like REAL baguettes.  Lovely, lovely baguettes.  Which I took to mean: Anything is possible.

Second.  I walk by a lagoon every day on my way to see a client who is in a skilled nursing facility.  Today for the first time ever, there was a water dog in the lagoon playing.  The joy was radiating off this dog in megawatts, the tail was moving like the back rotor on a helicopter, and the ducks were chattily paddling over to investigate.  The happiness was contagious. The thing of it was:  the lagoon is only about five inches deep in that spot.  Up to now, I always thought, lagoon-check, deep water-roger that….and it was kind of a mental shock to see that it was not deep but indeed quite the opposite.  I walked away thinking once again that you really cannot know something until you explore it, and also that the power of joy is simple and uncontainable.


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