The Screaming Doormat

Has come out of retirement again.  In fact, is prominently placed in my “office” where with a flick of the battery switch, I can have random screaming right next to my laptop without the necessity of stepping on the mat.  It’s great! Especially when I’m on the phone with the Evil Empire of Customer Service.  I figure it’s just payback for all that awful music, and dulcet tones of “let me provide you with excellent service”.  Let me hold my breath.  I’ve been a bad, bad dog lately what with all the Customer Service I’ve had to deal with.  I don’t know what you’re asking me, I’ll say.  What is an escalated action on my account?  No, I don’t think my bank “understands me”.   Don’t call me again about the newspaper.  The occasional wretched scream from the doormat adds just the right touch to it all.  It was lots of fun during the Great Email Account Migration on my website, too.  Where they send you the instructions for the New Improved Email…in your email! ha ha! which you can’t get to the way you used to so you can’t read the instructions to find out how to get into the email and…..Ahem.  In the midst of all this the actual internet service I use went totally down.  (See prior entry re Rat’s Nest)  I had to call the ISP. Again.  Then, I got to go to the Office of the ISP and get a new modem (see prior entry re Thingy).  THAT was exciting as the line was very long and one woman was standing right in front of the door so everyone else just squished in behind her.  The fun really began when another person, who was leaning against the door, actually fell outside when yet another person opened it to come in.  Finally, in my masterly way, I said: Hey.  You think you could step up a bit? We’re all pretty squished here.  Ms. Muffin Top Pierced Rathair looked at me as though I had just arrived from Mars.  I stepped in front of her.  So did the other 12 people in line.  When I finally got my turn at…Customer Service Desk, the person waiting on me and I agreed that really, the only sensible response to the whole day, nay the entire week, was to stride right out of there and purchase a bottle of bourbon.  Which I did.  

SO! Then I arrive home where other complications remained to be dealt with.  At 4:30 I thought, WHATEVS, and cracked open the bourbon for a tall one, having ice left over in the garage from the prior weekend’s birthday party for a friend.  Then, having got the new modem (viz: thingy) attached to all the many cords and etceteras it required, I turned on the laptop, got the good to go signal, and then! Got the by now familiar, you are not connected to the internet signal.  Then, got a popup notice to download the, yes, “Download Wizard”. Except I couldn’t download the Download Wizard because, first go round, I wasn’t connected to the internet.  Second go round, the website couldn’t be found, apparently didn’t exist.  I kid you not.  OK, I’ve got the bourbon, I can handle this,I thought.  Perhaps the cable needs to be directly in the laptop and not in my airport connector.  Did that.  NOTHING.  Before when directly connected to the modem the laptop would work. Now, not.  So, after reconnecting to airport and again getting the Big Finger, I roared loudly.  I jumped up and down on the mat.  I hoped my next door neighbor wasn’t home.  I got another bourbon.  I reattached everything, pretending to be the Cesar Millan of laptops.  You know, firm? confident? packleader?  Finished the bourbon, got ready to call the ISP again (they had, mercifully not said the fatal words: you won’t have any problem with it.  No, they said we’ll walk you through it.) and at long last, voila, the Download Wizard downloaded.  One test yet remained.  Apparently my system requires a password.  Ha Ha, I thought, I know this one.  Before, it also required a password, which was shown in those dots BUT there was a box below that said “show password”.  Groovy.  So I used the password that had been shown before and guess what?????? It wasn’t the right password.

On to another bourbon.  More jumping on mat and roaring.  Hell’s bells I thought.  So I tried my universal solvent password and God probably got tired just about then of twiddling me around, and it worked.  So here I am again, ready to regale you, Gentle Reader, with whatever this is.  On Blogger, on Vixen…..

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