Have You Ever Noticed…..

One of the fun things about working at home? It always seems to the other people living with you as though you are available all the time (since you are THERE all the time), which can lead to a certain amount of crossness due to interruptions in the Middle Of Important Sentences Being Written, etc. So I had crossness today. Oh, well.

Today mostly I am thinking about how important some spiritual practice or internal discipline really is. We so seldom really know what is going on with another person, perhaps even what goes on with ourselves. Feelings can come over us, overwhelm us, and we may not even know really what we are feeling. It’s pretty hard to make a decent choice or decision within such parameters. But training yourself to keep a perspective, not jump to conclusions, sit with the whateveritis, and eventually come to see it for what it is, can let you, in D. Suzuki’s words, let it go as it goes.

Which is not so easy when you’re dealing with old patterns, entrenched ideas, things you didn’t even know were in there except you knew something was hurting because clearly there was something you were maybe trying to avoid. I suppose the ability to see what one is looking at and hear what one is listening to, then respond, is what makes heroic figures who they are. They can make decisions based on what is going on, not what they’re afraid is going on or what they don’t know is going on or what MIGHT be going on if…..

Well. Ahem. Heroic figure not me. But I made it through another week, largely because I have learned a little tee-tiny bit to sit with the whateveritis. It doesn’t get any easier to do, but it gets less frightening. Which is interesting. The fear is still there, of course, but it isn’t calling all the shots. It’s just another party to the action.

Meanwhile, yesterday I was listening to one of my all time favorite songs, “Fight the Power” by the Isley Brothers. Once a birthday party was given for me in a downtown, inner big city, bar. With a jukebox. And everybody imaginable crammed into a long galley shaped bar. Talking, laughing. That song came on, and as if rehearsed to perfection, when the chorus including the world “bullshit” came up, every single person in the place raised their glass and sang along at the top of their lungs. It was a great birthday. And somehow, a moment of warrior-like poise.

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