Don’t Look Back

I don’t know about you, Gentle Reader, but it has been SPECIAL lately.  EXTRA SPECIAL. I just talked with a friend in Phoenix about the dust storm there earlier this week- it’s called a haboob.  Is that a great name or what?  It sounded and looked unimaginable.  Then again, it’s pretty unimaginable here even without dust storms, and seems to be getting even more special every day.  Apparently, for example,  this is already a hotter summer than people expected, if the steady stream of exhausted comments about how nice it’ll be later this week when it’s only 95 are noted.  Last year nobody talked about the weather at all, really, except for the 120 degree days.  The insouciance of last summer seems to be all gone this year, though.    We found ourselves speculating yesterday morning on exactly what temperature an egg fries at-  because it feels like you could do it on the front step or even the floor inside, or  on the butcher block.   Or in your hand. Maybe.

This morning, we moved on to our Vision Acuity Test, which involves seeing whether the dodecazillion bugs are on the INSIDE of the window screen or not.  We have big fun around here, yes we do.  The lizards are blissed out what with all the bugs- their little heads almost vibrate with the speed of ingestion.  They take flying leaps and snatch flies out of mid air.  Also, I saw Tailless the other evening, and was rather bucked up about him still being with us, rattlesnake notwithstanding.

Meanwhile, the Partner is working on the swamp cooler, soaking the liner material in icy water.  Perhaps that will help.  I was thinking last night about how…uhm.  How things seem to be and how they are.  People talk about living off the grid and pioneering and all of that.  They also talk about how it is possible to be a millionaire, if you want to do that.  Being a millionaire is a pretty far cry from reality for most of us, however it may appear on the internet.  Living off the grid requires a level of sacrifice many may not wish to make.   But really doing either of these without a financial safety net is another thing altogether, and I am not sure that the average person really wants the big perspective on things that arrives when you DO go off the grid.  Because it certainly looks different to me now than it used to, this world we live in.  Things have changed, for sure, and most of it is pretty scary and also kind of disappointing.  At times it can make a person wonder what the heck they were doing all of their prior lives, what meaning it had if any.  Being disposable to the “culture” at large puts you in a different frame of mind altogether.  I suspect many children, certainly many elderly, and alot of people in between, inhabit this spot.  That spot where you don’t fill the purpose for those with the power, and you realize quite clearly that you are in a strange new world.

There is quite a bit of talk about 2012 going on, and the only thing people seem to really be able to get straight is that the nature of time will shift.  Some think everything will end, others think we’ll ascend- to me? It’s clear that the world cannot continue on in the way it’s going, and sometimes I get fairly hopeful about it all turning toward balance.  Until I hear the news of course and remember what’s happening to the environment and then I hyperventilate.  I’m envisioning high speed chases, Gentle Reader, and a finish line that is uncertain but drawing closer every day.  It seems to me that many people are living in what amounts to a dream world.  They’re not somehow in the world where people are poor, and have no work and no chance of it and wonder just how they’re going to stay alive.  Or, apparently, if they even want to.  A recent article in the local paper noted the alarming hike in the suicide rate in these parts.  But so many people, somehow, they’re not in the world where they pay real, actual attention to the fact that CEOs of businesses make hundreds of millions of dollars in a year for running our economy into the ground but have to have their tax breaks kept intact because after all.  They deserve it.  And, even though these tax breaks ostensibly “create jobs”, many of the rest of us can’t find a job at all.  They’re certainly not in the world in the United States where something like what is happening in Mississippi can happen:  A 15 year old girl gets pregnant, miscarries.  The miscarriage is attributed to cocaine use.  She’s on trial for murder now.  Life being so sacred and all, right?  How many people who oppose abortion oppose the death penalty? Or war?  Just how sacred IS life, people?  Since that’s not what it’s really about, however, we’ll no doubt never get an answer.  Or we’ll get a polemic, yet again.

Myself, I am tired of the lies, the hypocrisy, the cynicism, the lack of civility and intelligent discourse overall.  It’s making me really crabby.  In fact, it’s making me angry.  There’s an ad on the NPR station we listen to from the Gates Foundation, that says they believe everybody is “entitled to the chance to live healthy and productive lives.”  Entitled to the CHANCE?  Is that like liberty and justice for all? ( Except of course for those who oppose us and them we can torture, apparently.)  Everybody should be entitled to a chance and if you miss it, tough tooty?  One potential brass ring per customer? The fiction of upward mobility lends itself to very negative attributes being assigned to people who end up proving, inadvertently, that the concept really is, on a large level, a fiction.  It’s just got to be their fault, their failure, that they didn’t make a million dollars.   That the work they do, as one person we met put it whose business folded a couple of years ago, fell off the face of the earth?  We are in a country, in a world, where children are going hungry and uneducated.  In the United States a HUGE percentage of “seniors” are living in poverty. The places FKA known as “the third world”- who even wants to imagine what they’re going through?  That’s the sanctity of life, Gentle Reader.  There IS enough to go around, people.  It just means we have to share and cooperate.  It means resources cannot all be concentrated in one place,  and many of them cannot be owned.  Like water.  It means things must be stewarded instead of consumed.   It means we have to think about what we do and what it means.

I try to keep my focus on Love, and the fact that there is an energy all around us that funds life.  But it’s hard.  Days like today, I falter, and really have to go deep inside and remember that over and above the fictions that prevail in today’s world,” things” and “separateness” really ARE an illusion.  Everything is moving as though in a huge dance.  The primordial energy that created all of this will continue no matter what and we are better off working toward living in harmony with it rather than attempting to control it.   I’m still looking for a way.

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