I Was Off the Blog Train

Firstly, a thank you to those who are reading!  And, Well, it WAS Thanksgiving and we had engagements and we also cooked a turkey (as you know,  Gentle Readers), made pies and sourdough bread and a whole bunch of other things.  Words floated through my head but evaporated into the steam from all the dishwashing.  Even now, I’m waiting for the Partner to put his tools away (from the initial rig up of our greenhouse protection for the garden for the winter- very impressive to my mind) so we can go to town and dry all the laundry I washed earlier.  No dryer yet, and not sunny enough to dry outside anymore.  Or warm enough.  November, indeed.  Snow covering the top of Mt. Shasta again at last and the whole thing.

Meanwhile, holidays being the potentially taxing things they are,  there were many philosophical and emotional potholes to navigate, explosions to avoid, and ultimately, as usual, we come again to the realization that it really is easier and more functional to drop the Opinions and the How It Is’s and the Why Can’t I Know Absolutely What Is Going To Happen, and the quotidian anxieties along with them.   After all, it is what it is, and what will be will be, even if we haven’t got a clue about any of it.  It just IS.

WHICH,  as we find ourselves continuing this after a break for what seemed like an unrelenting stream of  extraordinarily bad news, is easier said than done.  We already know that but apparently we haven’t passed the exam on it yet so it keeps coming up.  It just does seem that we’re continually being thrust onto the brink, and what can you do there?  Put one foot after another, somehow, summoning the toe holds as you go along in the pitch black dark.  Crying doesn’t help ESPECIALLY IF YOU WEAR GLASSES, and getting ticked off doesn’t do anything for you either.  As humans perhaps what we do when under a cascade of this sort, is we try to think of solutions.  What can I do about this?  Often there isn’t a darn thing except to take a deep breath and trust that you’ll be able to take that upcoming leap as many times as are required.

We all have so much history we carry around with us, and we can all be brought back to some earlier age of reactivity about whatever it is that we carry around unresolved.  This is on top of all the STUFF that happens in every day life.  I’m starting to wonder just how this ultimately gets worked out.  Say two people have a..uh…Situation.  This Situation has gone on for A Long Time.  So much time has passed, in fact, that one person has changed quite a bit and the other hasn’t really.  The Unchanged, in essence, cannot see the Changed for what it is.  Or so the Changed thinks, since explaining things doesn’t seem to be productive.  Still the Situation exists, and requires some attention and one would hope solution.  I like to think that everything can be worked out, I guess.  Maybe it just can’t.  But what do you do then?  I suppose standing steadfastly in your honest situation, speaking simply and clearly, is all.  The other elements of the thing, let’s call it,  will either get it and things will be in balance, or perhaps one side of the equation just disappears.  It seems as though it should be so much easier, this getting along with humans, than it seems to be.  But.  Then again it’s a long process of divesting yourself of resentment, anger, fear, ugly fat, compulsive whatever it is, in this life.  Maybe the real thing is to get to the point where you can walk easily on your road because you are truly not weighed down.   Kind of amusing when you think that we’re in a culture that values accumulation.  Are we laughing yet?


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