Forest? Trees? Gratitude

It seems I’ve decided to save the world in my nightgown today since I’m still padding around in it.  Yesterday’s swirl of thoughts and synchronicity has left me temporarily beached; and there is still the day’s work to do around the yurt.

I thought about so much stuff yesterday I gave myself a headache.  In a good way for a change- just too much information blitzing through the synapses.  (We also discovered the hard way that neither the Partner nor I can stand anchovies, in the radical spirit of experimentation yesterday had.  For the first time ever I made something for dinner, containing the aforementioned ingredient, and neither one of us could eat it.  Live and learn, Gentle Reader.  Live and learn. )  We’re meanwhile working on some new offerings for the website, which are going to need some cogent explanation,  and in the process of thinking about how to do that, and about modern physics, and about how really overall a spirit of neutrality or non-attachment to outcome is crucial to developing understanding of almost anything- apparently the small but active mind of this bear got whipped into a froth which precipitated an unpleasantness that resolved into some important understanding.

I woke up from a dream this morning in full possession of a massive headache and an anxiety attack.  The dream, you may infer, was quite frightening but once I got over the physical reaction to it, pain and nausea, it led me to quite a fantastic revelation.  Seeing in the mind’s eye a string of events that seemed unrelated to the dream material I understood at last how it all fit together- the events in the dream and the real events the memory put forth to go along with it.  It made me think about the fear people live with, how it is fomented culturally to a large extent, and how one can rise above it instead of being crippled.  We have our histories with us like a gigantic set of luggage.  It can be hard to piece things together from this Historical Set of Things, especially when we have a theory or position we’re attempting to maintain.  Sometimes a suitcase pops open and stuff empties out seemingly willy-nilly, and we wonder why in the heck we brought THAT with us.  Then, perhaps THAT shifts into something else and we may wonder about that thing too.   Memory and reflection can haunt us or help us with this sorting task, getting rid of stuff that really belongs to someone else, for example.  Naturally we often don’t know we’re lugging someone else’s baggage around with us, but when we do realize that?  The liberation that comes of it is like being covered in light.   A completely different feeling than that of being covered in suffocating yuck that can accompany such suitcase-openings when all we actually do is attempt to cram everything back in and shut it away.  We might ask ourselves why we end up carrying all this crap around and really there may be no answer except that we put it down when it is time.  In my case, and in this dream, it was being able to finally recognize the seed of the negative that was planted so long ago, and which I internalized (as humans do! such fun we have!) as something that had actually to do with ME and was a tangible part thereof.  When in fact it was really about the person who planted it- and however damaging this seed was to me over time, they were only doing what their own luggage was prompting them to do.  Not to excuse bad behavior, but until we understand things they have often got more control over us than they should. Anyway, today things lined up in the sky and I saw my world in a new light.  It also made me think about a friend who has a Situation with which she deals in total brave honesty, and truly not in fear.  If she can do that, I thought, I can also put this….this suitcase I never bought….down.  It was peculiarly like a rebirth, because it also had to do with facing death in all its many guises.

These rebirths, if we may call them so, are what happen each time we can release our attachment to how we think things are and see them as they actually are.  It’s the process of becoming alive, being human, being ourselves.  They can be small or large, fun or earthshaking.  We always have what we need- we’re just not always able to recognize that because of fear and resistance.  It really is, though, a constant process of motion, and light, and change.  So even if a bit flattened, today I feel so incredibly lucky and grateful.  Maybe I’ll even get dressed!  Or not.  But one thing is for sure:  there will be no anchovies in this picture!

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One response to this post.

  1. […] morning, I read another pholosphical musing by Kelly that inspired me to post this; which, by the way, is highly recommended reading. Each of […]

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