Whoosh

I managed, among other things, to slip and fall last week.  Something I’m good at and have always done often, this was no exception.  A wet wooden bridge in a public park, cowboy boots, distraction and WHAMMO.  A quick and complete change of perspective, not at all graceful but at least relaxed- my method is perfected, at least.  It must have looked pretty bad at the time  but the good news was the Partner was not with me.  The poor man lives in apparent abject, furious terror with a sense of foreboding knowledge that I will walk into traffic, slip off a curb, get crushed by a shopping cart, or more recently, get eaten by wild pigs.  I’m just now coming to realize how strenuous living with me has been for him, vigilant and organized as he is.   (We had dinner with friends that included being with a toddler the other evening and his look over at me clearly said: see this? YOU’RE WORSE.)  I couldn’t keep this newest fiasco from him when I came home since I was limping noticeably (ME: it’s nothing! tra la! OUCH! HIM: You’re not going out by yourself again! Ever! NOOOOO!!!).

This, however, was not the worst of it.  After ascertaining that I’d just be sore for a few days and nothing was broken, we moved on to discussing the rest of the day which had involved some serious Life Issues.   Being the insightful person he is, he already knew what had happened, which was helpful since I had been sworn to secrecy.   But here’s the net net.  Once again I had seen the glittering array that spreads out underneath the abyss we’re all standing over, looking into someone else’s eyes.   From one point of view, something happens and it is literally the end of the world.  From another point of view, it may be the end of ONE world, but there are more, many, many more.  The question then becomes how you allow yourself to move with this revelation- it’s like watching someone walk through fire.

I also understood, again, with a familiar thud, that what hurts one hurts all.  This is true on every level- whatever the situation, what harms one person also really harms you- it is an injury to the entire field of being.  You can drive yourself completely around the bend thinking about all the unintentional hurts you’ve inflicted, but how it seemed to me quite clearly this time is that our response in every moment is what ultimately matters.  (Unless of course you’re a completely deranged and creepy individual in which case…well, I’m still struggling with that.) If you feel someone’s pain, it doesn’t mean you EXACTLY feel it but you can have a pretty good idea.  If you can abide with that, not intruding your own fear or memory or belief system, maybe you’ve done some good in just that very simple way.  In Jin Shin Jyutsu they say that it isn’t what comes into you that harms you.  It’s what comes in and can’t get out that does that.  So, that abiding with and offering of a calm paw is important in allowing someone else to feel what they’re feeling, see what they’re seeing, and continue on.   At the same time you have to be clear and present and not allow the awful, almost grandeur of that awful, pain to insert itself into you.  It has to be like being in a wind that blows around you carrying everything away in front of it, sweeping things clean.

SO!  It all dovetailed somehow with the whole business of showing one’s teeth.  The Life Issue will involve a retooling of approach, abandoning the one step ahead co-existence of before, and commencing a tooth showing attack.  Hard work.   In my own case, I saw that my lifetime pattern of non-tooth revelation has led people to misunderstand me in what I find are very peculiar ways.   More hard work; initially I thought I’d be growling a lot more but then I realized that, as usual, Gandhi was right.  YOU have to be the change you want to see in the world.  Whether or not any one is paying attention.  I don’t know how this particular challenge is going to go but it feels better at least understanding it.  All this heavy mental lifting has made me tired, though.  The Partner is actually taking a nap- we’ll see if I can join him without wreaking any havoc.  The poor man has really had enough for one week.

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