Defiant, As Usual

I was often told in high school that I was defiant, never going to make it in society, just go to trade school, they said….you’d’ve thought I was one of Those Girls who carried small knives in their ratted up hair while pregnant in Continuation School,  instead of, had they not redacted it from the local paper, the one member of the senior class in that …wretched place…..who got a complete scholarship for the first year of college.   Anyway apparently the defiance continues, since our friend the internet is beyond spotty today what with the continuing final arrival of winter.  Yet here I am, tapping away at something that could be lost forever any second…..

So.  After skiing through mental mountain ranges of anxiety this morning as I told myself I had to wake up, and moreover, GET up, and enticing myself along with the thought that today might just be an off day what with the nervous system being a bit out of commission and also the pouring rain….well, of course I can’t just DO all the stuff that is weighing on my brain and needs to be done.  I reached astonishing new levels of avoidance behavior lately post reception of one of those fat envelopes from the IRS that indicate they have you in their sights, luck of the draw, what not, the tail has been pinned on YOU!, and you have about one minute to respond to them and interest will be accruing the whole time accordingly.  With a box you can check labelled “I do not agree with any of the charges”.  I got through THAT- and THAT included going out to the storage building and finding my tax return for 2010.  Easily findable, it was in a big bag labeled YEAR FROM HELL.  There was, I will admit, drinking involved during phases of document review, but we have, I sincerely hope, gotten past this current Taxing obstacle, both via online and mail communique.  I couldn’t help but wonder, somehow, just WTF? They have time to scour my returns for potential misfeasance (none) but, uh.  The guy a friend of mine used to work for who stiffed Medicare for a few million dollars and didn’t pay taxes either?  So far they have to think about THAT.  He was probably a Job Creator, after all.  Give ‘im another chance!

On a positive note,  apparently The Putative Guy Upstairs didn’t like Santorum as much as we might have thought.  As bad as things look on the “leadership” front, I admit I was profoundly relieved that Santorum withdrew from the GOP….whatever you want to call what they’re doing.  Who can say the least and use the most words contest, perhaps.  Who can tell the most bald faced lies in the shortest amount of time race.  Who can organize the Great Leap Backward going lickety split event.  Anyway, in the apparent choice between an automaton and an animated piece of rubbery nether region, the automaton has pulled out in front.

To cheer myself up in spite of the usual heaping portion of Personal Weirdness along with the news, I thought about something completely different, which is this.  It is starting to seem easier to communicate with the animals around us than the people.  I found myself having an actual conversation with Copper the horse a few days ago; the Partner had come inside, motioned toward me, and said, come outside.  They’re asking for you.  They want the Translator.  I got some carrots and tramped over to their enclosure, where they were both, Copper and Sierra, standing very alertly, obviously waiting for me.  We observed the Formality of the Carrot, and then the parlay happened.  Their shelter had a whole side of it ripped loose by the wind, so it was flapping and clanging (being metal) in a continuous and awful way all night long.  I was given to understand that Copper feels responsible for Sierra, after all she’s a GIRL, and it is a lot for a horse to do, but he has to look out for them both.  It was cold and I suggested they go to their shelter, which was the point of the whole encounter.  Just at that moment the siding started to flap and bang wildly.  I looked at it, then looked at Copper and said, that’s awful! you can’t go in there! and as I watched he carefully looked me in the eye and then nodded his head several times.  It was so clear that he was not just wiggling his head, but communicating with me that everything just kind of stopped for a minute.  The words please fix it suddenly wafted between my eyes and my brain.  I was completely blown away, and received a big tickly wet kiss on the skull when I said I’d get on it.   Which I did, and it is now fixed.   It’s nice to know one is good for something.

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