Navigating the field of opposites

Well, Gentle Reader.  WELL.  The good news, of course, is that all hell did not break loose just yet regarding the election.  Everyone I knew was asking me if I was happy afterward- and I was somewhat surprised to realize that I wasn’t.  Happy, that is.  I was so relieved I had to simply lie down, and somewhat bucked up by the fact that the entire population of the U.S. isn’t completely and totally out of their minds and did not just go for the one way trip down the dumper.  Other than that it may be too soon to call.  But, yes.  The fact that some complete reptile brain who thinks that rape and God’s will intersect with a ribbon and tweeting birds holding up a modesty screen did not get elected to Congress, that is good news.  Even though the awareness of the bottomless pit located under that whole thought process is unsettling, to say the least.

Meanwhile, the unravelling and understanding of daily life continues apace as usual.  At long last we’re turning our attention to motive, especially one’s own and there is still ambiguity.  As in, WTF am I doing? why is it I think of all kinds of things to write about in the middle of the night when I’m actually ASLEEP?  I am deep in a jettisoning process and all kinds of things don’t matter as much as they used to- but it would be nice to remember the ones that do with a little more regularity.

Be that as it may.   Time to tread softly, keep the decision making to a minimum.  I had set a ridiculous, in retrospect, time line goal thing for the end of this year, to get a manuscript complete.  And sent somewhere.  Ahem.  Meanwhile the twists and turns of fate have shifted my writing time around, along with everything else, and I find myself in a place of questioning, not knowing which is appearance and which is reality in so many things, and at that dangerous juncture with baby and bathwater precariously positioned rather closely to a cliff.  I have, however, taken a new “rule” on- since I didn’t realize how many of them I had and how unhelpful most of them were,  it’s been quite the endeavor, establishing this new rule.  But the new rule is: Follow the heart.  Enjoy what you’re doing, no matter what it is.  Things change and they always work out.  The quest for money and some kind of economic stability had led me a bit astray, perhaps.  Money is not the determiner of real value, after all.  The new rule is perhaps allowing a new strategy to form, which is more about really Being Present and letting things come, instead of using the old framework (which never worked for me, anyway) of approval seeking and semi-unconsciousness.   Really, there is a point to all this and I feel, with some trepidation, that we may be arriving at it quite soon.  I will, of course, post reports!

2 responses to this post.

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