Needles and Haystacks

I woke up thinking about driving this morning.  As it relates to mood.  AS in, we’re all on this journey and quite often we’re out there seeking our objectives which are, as the Partner remarked, like needles in haystacks.  So I thought about the drive we took on my birthday, during which we both realized we were in fact on a Quest for something that we’ll only know when we find it.  Namely, a place to Be.  Which, in this particular event, we didn’t find although we did see a fantastic pair of cranes rising up from a pond, which was quite wonderful enough.

Then I thought about how one’s moods and feelings, or more specifically mine, go up and down and all over the place.  At another challenging juncture in my life, I often found myself driving in a particular place by Santa Cruz with Henry the canary.  I was in my recently dead husband’s car and had my recently dead best friend’s canary in the passenger seat.  We were in a place we both liked, a long road that went way up and way down but gently, with long swooping passages of both and lots of green on one side, the ocean on the other.  Henry would be swinging back and forth on his swing, singing along to his favorite part of DON GIOVANNI (where the Commendatore bursts through the wall on that gigantic horse) and we’d just….drive.  Somehow that made me feel able to carry on.  This morning as I thought about how excited I get about plans and potentials now, then shortly thereafter hopes appear dashed, it occurred to me that really it is all very much like those drives with Henry.  Long stretches where it seems as though nothing happens but it really does.  Often our own efforts at “making” something transpire do nothing more than keep us in a holding position.   It’s a delicate balance between intention and right action and there is actually more time spent quietly observing than you might ever expect.

As I watch the people around me go through all the things they go through, I’m struck over and over by a couple of things.  One, we all do a LOT to avoid feeling our feelings.  Two, reality and time really are fluid and there is a lot of both in ways we are not trained to see.  When the phrase “you create your own reality” comes up, it really is true.   You can, indeed, choose your focus and proceed accordingly.  Then it becomes a matter of acting from the impulses of your heart and not from those of your fear.  This procedure seems to be one of ongoing and at times apparently insurmountable difficulty.   It is so easy for us to lose touch with the basic reality of our interconnectedness.   When we are able to operate from that basis it really is easier even if as we are practicing it, so to speak, it seems harder.   All those opinions and sheltering protective Attitudes! When the reality of it in a huge way is that we are all one, beating, universal heart.  I wonder why we are often so far from that.  Then I remember how often I stifle myself from giving someone the finger on the freeway or visualizing something even more intense for them.  This from someone who, in a way, falls in love with every client every time because when I work with them, I “see” them and that, in the end, turns out to be the biggest reward I could ever have received.  So we’ll see what happens on these swooping ups and downs, Gentle Reader, shall we?

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