On Miracles

Even though, during the past few days’ festivities, I reminded myself to really take in how wonderful everything was, is, and will be, there was a certain running into a wall quality to yesterday.  I had noticed in myself the tiniest little growing chewing presence of fear.   Fear that whatever might come next had no chance at all to be as wonderful as what had just happened.  Also, past experiences lined up to take a shot at whatever equanimity was showing its face.  However, since I had just had that innoculation of HAPPY and actual BLISS, not to mention BREATHTAKING BEAUTY, the ability rose to just take a deep breath or twenty million and decide to look at what was in front of me, no opinions or reactions.  Including but not limited to dust elephants.

The result? While my floor did not get scrubbed, nor since it has been pouring rain and hail did the weeds get pulled, I did get some internal answers to  pressing questions rattling around in my hamster wheel brain.  Also, I was able to react appropriately to the aforementioned brick wall-ish situation, and respond in a way that was truly helpful.   This had the effect of relaxing everything, which was exactly what was required.

SO.  I think the point is, things do get better.  They get better inside of us, which then translates to better outside of us.  It’s the work of a lifetime, simple to do and somewhat excruciating to maintain.  It may not even seem like anything has shifted at all- after satori the (fill in the blank), so to speak.  But it will have done so, and it can do that for all of us.  This would mean a return, or a discovery may be more like it, of the simplicity life actually requires of us.   Not easy, but simple.  I really believe we can change ourselves, and thus our world.  Because I am doing it, even if there has been more than a little kicking and screaming.   Even though things happen to us that are unspeakably painful and difficult.  Even though there are many times we not only can’t see our way, but we’re looking for a spare .45, or even a .22.  It is all part of it, and it really is true that each thing one surmounts confers strength and awareness.  The paradox, if it is one, is that the more we open up and participate and pay attention, the easier things get.  The solutions present themselves in a way that doesn’t happen when you focus only on things outside of you, on rushing around, on constant distractions, on avoidance and fear.  I don’t know why this is so hard.

Or, maybe I have an idea.  Maybe we humans are more terrified of the unknown than we even imagine.  Animals don’t seem to have this same fear, because they’re part of some Other, bigger flow.  They pay attention, and the many exigencies of their lives don’t make them give up.  Humans, on the other hand, wind up spending a lot of time in a place that doesn’t really exist, namely “the future”.  Or almost worse, “the past”.  Confronting the unknown brings up fears, fears shut us down, we give up the exploration and choose a sort of confinement.  We’ve chosen a putative safety over real life, often as not. Doing what one is told, rather than figuring things out.  Then, a step out (or a shove) onto the ice and once the initial nausea passes, it turns out to be actually rather fun and exhilarating.  Since we really don’t know so many things, from why we’re here to who made jellyfish, it seems like shifting the focus from worrying and fighting about those things to how we might cooperate with what’s in front of our noses would be sensible.  One word for it is liberation, and it is really just the thing that can heal us of whatever may ail us.  I’m more convinced than ever.

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