begin again, again

It’s been quite the few days, Gentle Reader.  I had to do something so difficult for me that I had real doubts as to whether or not I really could do it at all.  It involved looking very objectively at a situation, my part in it, and the bigger picture, making a decision and taking action.  All of which were challenging since they involved to some extent what Clarissa Pinkola Estes refers to as “the stinking wound”.  Funny how far down in you those things are, isn’t it?

So I did what I often do at such junctures: read the Dalai Lama, and Pema Chodron.  I realized I had never properly understood the slogan “Abandon all hope of fruition”- naturally being from a western culture I interpreted that, long ago,  in a drastic end of the world sort of  way.  The truth of it is that since everything really IS impermanent and shifting and temporary and AC/DC and all the rest of it, there really isn’t a fruition to be hoped for, beyond perhaps what happens naturally in one’s garden.  The concept of fruition is attached in a way to one’s sense of Self and Ego.  This really has to be let go of.  What is yours does come to you.  And then? It leaves.  And something else comes.  During all this you stay flexible and open.  Try not to be too predictable- which means not falling back on your neuroses for the most part.  See how easy, right?

I saw something else, too, which has a bit to do with my work.  I had been having pain, and a lot of it, in a place on my body that is pretty much smack in the middle of the gall bladder meridian- the hip.  Today, post action, there is no pain.  One thing the gall bladder meridian relates to is decision making.  Clearly, I was having a hard time and I had the pain to prove it.  Today, though? After making that decision at last, the pain is gone.  I guess you might say it was all a demonstration of what my teacher said long ago: every ailment relates to an attitude.  Our thinking and energy really do create and drive our physical reality.  You can, indeed, make yourself sick.  Or, well.  This whole experience allowed me to see that up close, and gave me a lot more insight in terms of assessment of my clients.  Since I do believe we are here to learn, I guess it means this was all worth it.

Now, we’ll see how tomorrow goes.  It has been over 110 at our house for over a week.  We can only keep relatively cool using an evaporative cooler.  Which uses water.  Tomorrow is a holiday here (4th of Jul Lies? anyone?) and our landlords are turning the water off.  To do plumbing.  Themselves.  ON A HOLIDAY.  Dear Gentle Readers, send Positive Plumbing Thoughts our way.  Or there may be mayhem.

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