catch and release

Indeed, Gentle Reader.  Those mundane concerns have had me by the throat of late, but today?  A bit of triumph.  Firstly, I did manage to put some photos on a thumb drive for my friend on the east coast.  As a piece of a longer ongoing fantasy/project of doing a small book of sky photographs, this feels like a huge accomplishment.  Probably because I couldn’t get the instructions (simple) for how to copy the photos to the thumb drive at the time I wanted to do it,  because I wasn’t connected to the internet at home and therefore it was an exercise in futility, I felt a bit of something hot rising in my chest.  However it was an excellent occasion for practice.  Feeling thwarted and unintelligent at first non-starter attempt, I realized that this was simply a case of Research Needed.  At my internet spot, online once again, research proceeded apace and  it all went swimmingly.  And I learned something.

That something has to do with my lifelong habit of self denigration.  This is a bad habit, held by many- except those who seem as though they’d benefit from some close internal self scrutiny, like say Mr. Putin.  But I think it has to do with a dynamic of survival, in which one damages oneself in an attempt to forestall damage by others.  This can take many forms, of course, but they all involve some sort of mutilation of self. (Yes, we ARE re-reading Jung.) When something is challenging, you decide it’s just too hard, you’re just too dumb, or whatever it is.  Then you march off and give up or do something else really silly to balance out that thing inside that you’re trying to not acknowledge.   In this case, I decided to have no opinion about it but see what could be productively found out at the soonest occasion.  And that worked.  And it was a lot better than slumping around feeling like a frustrated dummy.    This may seem to be, and is in fact, something that in a more properly functioning world would be common behavior for all, instead of a place arrived at after a rather long learning curve.  Phew, in any case.

Hope not only springs eternal, though,  but shows itself in the most amazing places once it gets moving.  Mr. and Mrs. Quail and their rolling crew of fluff balls have included a new family member.  There was a very handsome young male who Mr. Quail kept shooshing and chasing away from Mrs. Quail.  We watched this for a day and an evening; naturally I was worried about Nice Young Man Quail, since he didn’t seem to be aggressive or mean but simply wanting company.    The next day, to our delight, we saw the entire group coming down off the bluff- Mr. Quail leading with fluff balls, Mrs. Quail moseying down in her slightly distracted lady like way, and Nice Young Man Quail standing Very Importantly and Protectively, watching everyone’s back.  They’d worked it out and everyone seems happy and content.  In spite of the fact that it has been so hot some of our plants are dropping blossoms and not fruiting, we do have about seven heirloom melons (of a sort grown by Thomas Jefferson!) ripening, and the corn looks wonderful.  The swiss chard is rampant, some cucumbers are finally showing themselves, and the tomatoes are improving.  I fear for the cabbage and the pattypan squash, but you never know.  In the meantime:

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