hasty resurrections

Sometimes that’s what it feels like: Like you’ve been dug up, had your face swiped, and been propped up on a ladder.  Weird, but a better view than you had while buried.  Sort of a cosmic, sorry about that but you know it was necessary, part of the process.  Urg, I say.

The oaks are ready to drop their leaves, it looks like all at once.  They’re an almost eery gold flame color, and against the moving gray of the rain the whole landscape is luminescent.  There is also a new fawn on the bluff, some baby hummingbirds, and a LOT of bluebirds.  And it’s COLD out there, so we wonder where they all sleep.  The garden is now at that point where I say to myself: Self! Pull the weeds now! Get rid of overwintering bugs! Prune the roses! and myself says: HAWHAWHAWzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.  I’m figuring on giving myself a ten day window for this labor of Hercules although it will no doubt freeze or snow before then- which would mean I’d just leave it all for later and that wouldn’t be fatal.

Which has been something of a preoccupation during this most recent excavation experience- what really and exactly do we need to do?   Having had what I now perceive to be a sequence of wake up interactions, I think I get it.  But at long last, now that I’m up and wobbling around, I think I can say that really? Nobody needs to put up with disrespect, disregard, and opinionating.  There is so much putting forth of opinion as fact and that is not a good basis for action.  Actually it seems to function more as a tool for people to get their own way than anything else.  So I’m starting a new program of standing up for myself.   It’s been exhilarating, for all of the day it’s been happening, to realize I can just say, no, no thank you, to ANYTHING I WANT TO.   And as a corollary, I can say YES to what *I* want.

And as usual, this leads to thinking about the world around me.  As in, how can I make my own personal integration productive for the whole?  It came to me that all you can do, really, is keep breathing and give your best effort to whatever is in front of you.  It sounds deceptively simple, yes?  But when things happen that tip you over in either direction, that middle way is what you want.  Sometimes it resides in silence.  It always resides in love.  The first step maybe is to take your self out of the center place in the picture and realize that really you’re all over that picture, and the best way to look at it is with a wide view.  That wide view contains how others feel and are motivated, and that wide view is where you can truly say yes or no.   So.  I’m busily polishing my glasses, let’s just say.

And? aside from putting a little too much cayenne in the pumpkin pie, Thanksgiving went pretty well and I didn’t even get any kitchen injuries, which is a real first.

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