fried brains, a tirade

I’ve had the flu and also had to deal with the telephone company.  It wasn’t pretty.  Even remembering, as I do, that the main purpose they fulfill is getting into your pocket, still one DOES need what they offer, viz, phone and “device” service.   So after spending most of my precious internet time today trying to get into my Fabulous Online Account and reset things because I changed my services,  and failing because I didn’t get to the password they emailed me in less time than it takes to sneeze, and as well being unable to connect to said Phone Company by…phone….because I didn’t have enough bars here…..

I gave up for the time being.

Which leads me to this week’s realization.  I find that it makes me Quite Irritable when I tell someone something about our living conditions, and they say, oh no, it isn’t like that.  Never having been here.  In fact it is getting me close to ballistic.  No, there isn’t email and cel phone service where we actually live.  So, no I can’t check my email right now, it’ll be a day.  That just can’t be, they’ll say.

Just as so many things here in rural America just can’t be, according to people who are not living in it.  It’s like we’re on another planet altogether out here and that’s all there is to it.  On the IMAGINARY planet everyone seems to think we rural-ites are on, everything is just like it is in the city.  Services, medical care, what not.  As to the challenges, well, you poor crackpot, YOU WENT THERE. Therefore, what you’re saying just isn’t true or correct and we don’t have to deal with it.  For the time being I’m finding myself being rather curt with this world view.  Certainly the crime and poverty are the same, but that is about it.  Corporate entities invest sparingly in places where they don’t feel they can make enough profit.  When I realized that “rural electrification” happened not all that long ago, I could put it into better perspective- philosophy rears its head and I can carry on.

However.  This actually is something bigger, this thing of people not listening and accepting the truth of any number of situations.  Global warming being just the most obvious thing, but there are so, so many.  A lot of us grow up being told that whatever we think/say/do/are just isn’t….OK, or real, or acceptable.  It doesn’t really exist.  So a vacuum of sorts gets created, in which you aren’t quite fitting in the lines and therefore find yourself drifting.  Perhaps you overeat, overwork, overdrink, whatever, but it still amounts to trying to find your own actual veracity, trying to find your own outline.  If you can adjust to the paradigm and put your actual self to sleep, success of a sort can be yours but since it rests on something that eventually wakes up (you), it may prove to be of questionable value.

But then what?  Because it’s all fake on some level, fake you being a fake something in a fake world where in fact, contrary to what you’re told, there ARE dangers to public health, you can’t live on most wages let alone minimum, and infrastructure is becoming like a wet kleenex.  A clearly very mentally ill man gets charged with terrorism because he hears voices.  That does not, to me, constitute terrorism- except maybe for that poor man’s brain. We see constant assaults on intelligent activity and education and any dynamic future movement almost everywhere, even while at the same time there are many wonderful things being thought and done and after all, I always root for the underdog.  I think He is Us.

Therefore, in carrying on, you find yourself having to go back to what IS real for you.  And wait until it speaks to you and you know what to do.  For me of course that is going outside, where the doves have returned and we have every kind of blue jay there is.  The deer have staked out a little spot where they come and rest and digest every day, and get pretty miffed if somebody disturbs them (usually me so I am now making faces back at them, silly deer, lie back down!).  The point of this is that it took me a long, long time to get anywhere close to understanding my own outlines.  A lifetime of being told I was wrong constituted a lengthy learning expedition, and now I don’t really care what anyone thinks about me or what I do unless I respect them.  You earn my respect by being honest, first and foremost.  A big part of this is admitting you don’t know- both what you know and what you don’t know.

What we do know and need to remember is that acknowledgement and courtesy go a long way.  Not deciding what IS and what IS NOT based on what we see on TV goes a long way.  When we cooperate things just go better, and the sooner we get our noses out of our technology, perhaps, the sooner we’ll be able to get to actual accomplishment.  But in any event, the bedrock of our humanity and planetary lives continue and there is beauty.  Which is what I think will save us, phones and devices aside.

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