still here

Indeed, Gentle Reader, it has been touch and go of late since the flu decided to sit on both our chests for a month.  We did, for the most part, prevail over the virus but it was quite an amazing experience to be completely unable to do anything at all.  No talking.  No eating.  No moving.  No sleeping.  No way to get even remotely comfortable.  No temperature regulation.  Pain, vomiting, headaches: An altogether extraordinary illness, complete with one night where my lungs squeezed shut, as did the Partner’s ears.  It really made me think about just how totally awful all the people with Ebola must feel.  Unimaginable.

But things move along.  The piglets on the road into town are Juveniles now, the bluebird squadrons are flying around and the doves and quail are engaging in spoken tweet contests.  The garden is an enormity of weeds and super turbo swiss chard.  I’m up and around again, wondering if the insights of the past weeks can be retained while I go back to mastering witty ripostes while weeding.

I’m more convinced than ever that all time really is present all the time.  There’s so much information floating around and we perceive it so haphazardly, depending on our training and biases.  So much of what one thinks is important is so totally not.   In the meantime, in between getting caught in algorithm tail chasing and retrieving passwords and trying to bend the phone company to one’s will (not even remotely doable, in case you’re wondering), the larger thing starts showing itself.

That larger thing is the narrative, we could call it, of our lives and realities.  Modern culture works tirelessly to disrupt and divert, if not destroy, the common narrative.  Flat screens, quick transitions, propagandizing and advertising all distract from the more human reality and seem to do more to overwhelm people’s consciousnesses than anything else.   We’re constantly told things that are the opposite of the truth, and have to pick our way through it all very carefully.  All the supposedly labor saving devices just seem to contribute to more overwhelm than anything else. Do you really need a car that drives itself?  Somehow that seems as though it should be called PUBLIC TRANSPORTATION.

But in the meantime we have our personal narratives, too.  The story we tell ourselves about our own creation and existence.   This story is, I think, what is referred to when people talk about the power of affirmations and changing core beliefs. It’s also the story people tell when they think there’s something to hold on to, and they need it.   If the narrative we tell ourselves doesn’t grow with us though it becomes too distorted to use.   To which I can attest.

What I realized is that actually we are designed to make these shifts and growths and learnings- we don’t have to court that ability, we just have to allow it.  We block growth by clinging to our story- which may be given to us by any number of other individuals and may not be OUR story at all.  Focus on a goal can help you select the most appropriate ways to achieve it, and this is what focus is designed for in us.  It isn’t designed to keep us stuck in endless thinking or imagining- it’s designed to allow us to flow in the proper direction.  It isn’t designed to create specific results, necessarily, this ability we have.  But it IS designed to help us live and grow.  It’s interesting to think that we really do have what we need, after all, isn’t it?

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