just a dream

Don’t think it hasn’t been fun around here, Gentle Reader.  Really.  Perhaps it was a delightful coincidence? but somehow the demise of the satellite internet at the place the crazy train stopped coincided with an episode of carpal tunnel from hell.  So.  I had no way to get any work done for two weeks, technically speaking, being satellite-less for reasons beyond my control and any understanding.  And I also had pain in my paws that precluded even SIMPLE THINGS, like throwing The Dog his squeaky, footed ball.

In the way of the universe, however, the cavalry did arrive.  Suddenly, out of the blue, my business rose from its moribund condition and orders began to come in.  Interestingly they were mostly for pain in the hands, along with some other things like shingles and car wreck remedies.  Which I was uniquely positioned, at the time, to attend to- the hand pain I mean.    The shingles remedy was a success, and it’s too soon to know about the car wreck, but the hand pain special? Actually worked.

Once again I was reminded that all the time I spend worrying and anxiety-fying myself is pretty much a waste of time.  Things do work out.  (I can actually pay the rent once again, and as usual.  The Dog is coming along and we haven’t had any exploding heads for a few days, although he did try to abscond with my one remaining garden ornament: a metal, reclining frog.  I was able to accept the demise of the turtle, butterfly, and bumblebees, along with a small mulberry tree, a wild ginger, and god knows what else.  But the frog? Not so much.  I managed to retrieve it as The Dog was dragging it into his downstairs dominion and although he got cross for a moment, he saw reason when it was presented to him in the form of liver treats.) The thing of it seems to be keeping oneself aligned with the bigger picture, the bigger consciousness, and letting the energy of events take care of itself for the most part.  My “guidance” yesterday was a line from Rumi: “break the legs of everything I want”, in the sense of let me get rid of my ego drives and get, essentially, on the cosmic train.  That cosmic train is what carries us all, and has all the information we need for wherever we are.  I used to think this sort of thinking was ridiculous in a way, being as tied to the “small s” self as anyone.  But now, and especially after the Healing of the Thumbs, I see again that in fact, the answers really are out there, and more importantly, so are the questions.  So you really don’t have to worry about that. The joy of the search and of finding the right question is the food of the soul, and the fuel of a decent life.

Anyway that’s what I think today.  There’s still propane to be gotten, which can be dicey- last time we were there we narrowly missed a huge explosion because some idiot had a too large container in the back of his truck and it all got disappeared to the overall tune of $60k damage, but that’s what makes rural life so interesting, right?  You never know when things are going to go boom.  Somehow, though, it all seems clearer at the moment now that I know for a fact that control is an illusion, and I figure we’ll get through our propane purchase safely.  Who knows what we’ll contend with next?

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Back to the Nietzsche-ure

That’s a spelling mouthful, that name.  I heard somewhere that he wound up in an asylum at the end of his life:  poor man may have known too much.  Or maybe it was just brain chemistry.

Anyway, as we continue to ponder what it is, exactly, that we’re doing, Mr. N. is ever relevant.  For example, his caution to be careful when you’re tossing out your defects so that you don’t throw out what’s “best in you”.

I realized with a bit of a start that that is, in fact, what I did myself at one point.  Being a Super Codependent, at one point I decided that my ability to know what people were thinking when I walked into a room was not helping me.  On the contrary it seemed to allow me to fall ever deeper into the morass of Pleasing People, Caretaking, and avoiding any appearance myself, of impropriety or anything else. So I stopped listening to my intuition, essentially, because of course that’s what it was.  Improperly focussed, but intuition nonetheless.  So, hahahahahaha, Creator’s plan for me was to spend a Long Time In A Seemingly Trackless Waste trying to find that intuition I left behind, since it turned out to be the key ingredient in what I’m doing now- what turned out to mean everything in fact-  since realistically I can’t avoid admitting I’m grown up any more.  It’s been hard giving up the glitter shoes, let’s just say.

Notwithstanding the fact that culturally many of us are divided from ourselves at the outset, at the jump, because of who or what we are- say, female, for example, let alone appearing on the planet in Color-  this search for our inner content and equilibrium is in the end what allows us to live our lives and integrate our many energies.  This division in the self leads to many things that are not productive, like self destructive behaviors and also? ill health.  So it happened that in the effort to simply be who I was, I found out what I was to do as well.  I did ask for knowledge, at one point, after all.  It’s a shame I didn’t think to throw “money” in the request as well but there it is.

So.  The thing of it is, this thing I pay attention to…while it is seemingly quite abstract and many people think that energy work and all those sorts of things are just crazy and don’t work….the thing of it is, this awareness that we can cultivate in ourselves DOES work, it does lead us to healing.  The bit about throwing out what’s best in you applies here too, I think.  So often we simply continue without taking the steps that might really help us, and it can be that our ability to think for ourselves which is, really, one of the best things in any of us, just gets tossed out in our efforts to fit in and be “better”.  We allow habit and the push of time to the end it has on this earth, which is to say death, to limit our ability to feel and to deeply know ourselves and what is around us.   We may allow our talents and abilities to be disregarded or used in a way that someone else thinks is proper- but how can they know, really? They aren’t us and unless we’ve been communicating with them with some skill, we’re probably a big puzzle.  Also, there is the issue of how we may discard things in ourselves that may have some power and beauty so that others around us won’t feel badly.

Which is, Gentle Reader, to say that while it does indeed seem that there are worlds within worlds all around us,and all are thronged with divinity and spirit and many other things, the challenge is to accept that our world is just that.  Our world, one among many.  The commonalities and patterns can help us move forward, and I think that as we watch those things unfold, our own intuition, our own ability to connect with, know and see other energies grows.  This in turn reveals many other connections and patterns that we might not have seen, and that lead us to new solutions.  All of which evolve and change even as their habitual nature carries them forward.

So, while it makes me a bit nuts at time to see the astonishing mix of bizarre to non-regulation of this field, and the lack at times of bridges between, say, doctors and flower essence practitioners?, as well as the commodification and monetizing of this kind of work,  I still am ever more certain that in fact, we can all be healed.  Not perhaps cured- that may be for another galaxy after all.  But having personally experienced what seem like miracles in terms of moving pain and dysfunction from people’s bodies ( and mine, too),  from having learned to see and accept others as my Kin no matter who they are, and most difficult of all so far, to forgive and also set limits in all walks and places, I  do believe that we can all really feel joy.  Which I think is somewhat the purpose of things.  It just cannot be to live in fear of a “God” who supposedly loves you but at the same time tortures you because you are “bad” and “sinful”.  That joy is also largely found in connection to the processes of our very daily lives.  Food, for example.  The joy in tasting something that is real food is amazing.  Yet in our society people continue to be largely divorced from not just where food comes from but what it really tastes like, and actually are encouraged to eat and drink things that not only are not good for them but in fact cause dysfunction.  I’m thinking of soft drinks and diet sodas here for just one example.  Diabetes?  So you can’t really enjoy, for example, the true sweetness of life.

All these things, these ideas, swim in a way under the oceanic surface of daily life.  A big part of it all is willingness to experience things in a way that allows them to show themselves as they are.  Then, we are in a better position to see the proper next step, instead of experiencing regret as we try to “make” things be some way or other that they really aren’t and thus will not ever be.  The effects of energetic therapies allow us to do exactly this, and that in itself can be a powerful propellant toward improvement in whatever area you are concerned.   Even though this feels like a constant swim against the tide (the Partner says  that people need me- they just don’t know it) and one must be willing to be patient, bridge the gaps and the gasp, even be willing to have people think one is a bit crazy, even with all that and ALSO! for extra fun! the total unknowing of what comes next- it looks like this is it, Gentle Reader.  The starry dreams are as much a part of things as the aggression we see around us, and the more we can let those dreams infuse our waking lives the sooner the aggression can be modified to an energy that serves us instead of controlling us.  It’s a big landscape, but it is in fact one that can speak to us and one in which we need not be lost.

Bridge between worlds

It seems we’re running back and forth on it as fast as our little legs will carry us.  Having been occupied with a bit of a research project regarding work I was able to see first hand just what it’s like to have your head in the clouds and your feet in the grocery store, staring unseeingly at a simple grocery list and forgetting the major, and necessary, item thereon.  The Partner has not been happy of late, let’s just say.  Apparently we have been Beyond Head in Clouds.  But I can explain.

There’s always the question of how much information, detail, explanation, general blahblah one wishes to put into a piece of writing.  Or anything, as far as that goes.  Things have to link up to make sense, Gentle Reader.  And often the most sense is made by describing what is actually going on.  As I continue to ponder the impenetrabilities of Plot it becomes ever more obvious that Plot is somehow inextricably linked to one’s own…what? sense of purpose, what just has to be done, what is more important in the end than anything else. Because of course we all write about ourselves since that’s what we know.  Or not.   Part of the problem for me is that I have long felt that my REALlife plot must be disguised.  Which I didn’t exactly realize.  So.  What it all has to do with is realizing the bravery it takes for anyone to really move forward in their lives and assume responsibility for themselves in whatever arena is presented.  Often this deep breath sucking it up and moving forward causes one to lose track of say, whether they’ve brushed their teeth or whether there really IS a need for more baking chocolate.  The people who live with you while you’re, to their eyes, in orbit probably experience more tile loss on capsule reentry than expected- after all, YOU”RE the one who’s out there, right?  As it turns out, not so much and not alone, either.

So that’s where we’ve been.  Me, out in orbit investigating how energy swirls through us.  Partner, wishing my brain would come back home.  I made coffee ice cream in a placatory effort, which actually turned out really well if I do say so.  Other than that, what has been Revealed Thus Far is that really we all have what we need, if we look.  Circumstances impinge and hurt and $#!^ happens but still the baseline connectedness of everything is the trump card, the basis of everything.  From stars to diatoms to simple joy to realizing you can, too, not lose your temper, or resolve your back pain,  or whatever it is, there is a huge energy all around us that will support us in our efforts to wake up and change and heal.  The nature of this energy is intimately connected to at least a part of the work I do, in those moments when I’ve got the big jar off my head, and the realization of late has been that…..whether or not we survive all our individual jousts in the forest, there really is, as the Dalai Lama has said, no reason for too much worry.  So as we kind of fly, all of us, between the poles of WORRY and DON’T WORRY, it helps to remember that a sense of humor is a paramount companion.  Observing everything in its own radiance (and it all does have radiance, even the dark stuff.  Which is weird but there it is.) we can come to see that our own sense of Importance maybe is not…so important.  The bigger question of underlying motive, why we do what we do, how we got where we are….that perhaps gets revealed as we divest ourselves of Storyline and enter into Mystery.  Now.  How to describe THAT?  One has one’s work cut out for one, for sure.