Posts Tagged ‘success’

the famous exploding head

Yes indeed, Gentle Reader, that would be MY head. Things have been so far above standard gnarly of late that about the only thing to do has been pray. However, when I got an email from an old friend who was concerned about my lengthy blogging absence, remarking that since my life has more twists and turns that seem humanly possible she was worried, I thought, perhaps an update would not be amiss.

Our living situation here has always been a bit…..tricky. Due largely to the fact that our landlady has been a bit…..tricky. In fact, we have just now learned HOW tricky since she is terminally (probably) ill and Stuff has Floated to the Surface at an alarming rate. A long, sad story and a big part of it has been me having to actually face the facts of the whole thing. (Partner: You see good in people even when it isn’t there. Me: Really?. Partner: YES) Plus figure out what to do so we don’t find ourselves living on a sidewalk somewhere. I look like I have Parkinson’s most days now what with the nerves firing on all cylinders all the time. HOWEVER.

There appears to be resolution in the offing and all will, we hope, be well. Nothing goes smoothly and dealing with County officials and Social Security applications and relatives who crawl out of the woodwork and all the rest of it…well. To be expected in today’s milieu, I guess, but it has been almost more than this bear could..well, bear. However, we still have a home and potentially a Permanent one, and while there will be more on this Incredibly Amusing and Horrendous Story, there have been some successes in the midst of all the Challenges, too.

There were horses living here, right next to us. I often took care of them and we always dealt with positively biblical levels of flies, and then mosquitoes from the above ground pool and horse troughs. A home, it transpired, had to be found for the horses in the middle of this Situation. In a place like this such a thing isn’t as easy as you might think since there are lots and lots of unwanted horses after people get them and realize a)it’s expensive and b)it takes actual work. But. I persisted and? found an absolutely splendid home for them. Pictures were duly sent and the two of them looked like totally different creatures, they were so happy. So that was good. Also? NO FLIES. Happy. Drained pool and troughs: NO MOSQUITOES. I am calling that a WIN.

Another striking thing that showed itself was that, like Camus, I found, in the depth of this horrible winter, an invincible summer in myself. While spiritual teachings have largely, in this culture, been turned into blunt instruments to keep everyone in fear and in line, the fact is that the Divine does exist. Everywhere and all the time. And it is there when you call it. You may indeed be at the brink, at the last straw, in despair and fear. But. The Divine is there to remind you that you take another breath, you step back, you allow things to reveal themselves and gradually, come to a higher point than ever seemed possible. And, hey. So what if you have to do this a thousand times a day? Which leads me to:

Pickles. The weather has just been gruesome this summer and the garden has not been the usual resplendent refuge. We have, however, had zucchini and the Partner suggested making pickles. I thought for a minute and then realized that a simple refrigerator pickle would be just the thing. We happened to have a jar of Trader Joe’s organic hot and spicy dill chips that had no pickles but had the pickling juice. Zucchini spears were duly inserted into said juice. Results in three days? Outstanding.

Otherwise the world seems to be mirroring the struggles we experience here (the irrational people, the bursts of Bad Behavior), and it looks more and more like full blown good vs. evil, which I always had trouble believing in, in the past. It is absolutely beyond mind boggling, and the fact that Bloviating Pustule thinks he can buy Greenland? Is so insane that it taxes one’s credulity that it has been…acknowledged as anything but completely psychotic. And when we go to the doctor now, they ask us if we take “a certain medication for a certain (x) condition”….naturally when I said, you really think some ringer is going to come in here for this fantastic non service? REALLY? and they say, well you MIGHT be an illegal trying to get a prescription refilled….we need to know you know what you’re taking….well. Let’s just say there are days happy hour starts Early. People are definitely crazy and things are definitely strange…but, blessings and thanks as always!!

Whoosh

I managed, among other things, to slip and fall last week.  Something I’m good at and have always done often, this was no exception.  A wet wooden bridge in a public park, cowboy boots, distraction and WHAMMO.  A quick and complete change of perspective, not at all graceful but at least relaxed- my method is perfected, at least.  It must have looked pretty bad at the time  but the good news was the Partner was not with me.  The poor man lives in apparent abject, furious terror with a sense of foreboding knowledge that I will walk into traffic, slip off a curb, get crushed by a shopping cart, or more recently, get eaten by wild pigs.  I’m just now coming to realize how strenuous living with me has been for him, vigilant and organized as he is.   (We had dinner with friends that included being with a toddler the other evening and his look over at me clearly said: see this? YOU’RE WORSE.)  I couldn’t keep this newest fiasco from him when I came home since I was limping noticeably (ME: it’s nothing! tra la! OUCH! HIM: You’re not going out by yourself again! Ever! NOOOOO!!!).

This, however, was not the worst of it.  After ascertaining that I’d just be sore for a few days and nothing was broken, we moved on to discussing the rest of the day which had involved some serious Life Issues.   Being the insightful person he is, he already knew what had happened, which was helpful since I had been sworn to secrecy.   But here’s the net net.  Once again I had seen the glittering array that spreads out underneath the abyss we’re all standing over, looking into someone else’s eyes.   From one point of view, something happens and it is literally the end of the world.  From another point of view, it may be the end of ONE world, but there are more, many, many more.  The question then becomes how you allow yourself to move with this revelation- it’s like watching someone walk through fire.

I also understood, again, with a familiar thud, that what hurts one hurts all.  This is true on every level- whatever the situation, what harms one person also really harms you- it is an injury to the entire field of being.  You can drive yourself completely around the bend thinking about all the unintentional hurts you’ve inflicted, but how it seemed to me quite clearly this time is that our response in every moment is what ultimately matters.  (Unless of course you’re a completely deranged and creepy individual in which case…well, I’m still struggling with that.) If you feel someone’s pain, it doesn’t mean you EXACTLY feel it but you can have a pretty good idea.  If you can abide with that, not intruding your own fear or memory or belief system, maybe you’ve done some good in just that very simple way.  In Jin Shin Jyutsu they say that it isn’t what comes into you that harms you.  It’s what comes in and can’t get out that does that.  So, that abiding with and offering of a calm paw is important in allowing someone else to feel what they’re feeling, see what they’re seeing, and continue on.   At the same time you have to be clear and present and not allow the awful, almost grandeur of that awful, pain to insert itself into you.  It has to be like being in a wind that blows around you carrying everything away in front of it, sweeping things clean.

SO!  It all dovetailed somehow with the whole business of showing one’s teeth.  The Life Issue will involve a retooling of approach, abandoning the one step ahead co-existence of before, and commencing a tooth showing attack.  Hard work.   In my own case, I saw that my lifetime pattern of non-tooth revelation has led people to misunderstand me in what I find are very peculiar ways.   More hard work; initially I thought I’d be growling a lot more but then I realized that, as usual, Gandhi was right.  YOU have to be the change you want to see in the world.  Whether or not any one is paying attention.  I don’t know how this particular challenge is going to go but it feels better at least understanding it.  All this heavy mental lifting has made me tired, though.  The Partner is actually taking a nap- we’ll see if I can join him without wreaking any havoc.  The poor man has really had enough for one week.