Posts Tagged ‘The Dog’

pain in my heart

Things coalesced today to remind me that in fact, for all intents and purposes, we ARE in the dumper.

While I realize ever more clearly that we are all in the midst of a pretty volcanic shift, and for the most part I can navigate that with relative success, at the same time there are moments when it all crashes into my forehead and I wonder how much longer I can go on living in this world.  The Dog and the Garden make a big difference, of course and I’m hoping that this weekend’s “cooldown” (to 87 instead of 107) will allow me to at last plant our burgeoning seedlings.  Plus bake some requested cookies for a friend in need- one hopes that 87 will allow the making of buttercream to proceed without incident.   The Dog had a moment of doggie disobedience earlier today and tempers flared; now they’re just at a simmer.  I’ve been handing out strawberries and ice cubes to the parties involved.

Still.  The election on top of everything else pretty much fried my circuits.  People were actually speaking in raised voices in the polling place about things that froze my blood- you know- The Wall with Mexico.  Muslims.  Everyone who either didn’t look white or had a Spanish surname (me) got extra grilling before their ballots were handed over.  I’ve been voting for a long time now and this year? They showed me as having no party preference and thus eligible for only a provisional ballot.  Which may, or may not, get counted. HOW GROOVY IS THAT?  I finally, using my best I come in peace but let’s get serious act, got things horsed around, voted, and then? This county has an electronic ballot counter which, excitingly, puts the name of whoever you vote for up on a video screen that anyone standing nearby can read.   My screen said Bernie Sanders, and it felt as though I barely escaped with my life and a tootsie roll, slamming the door on name calling behind me.

Then, glutton for punishment that I am, we went to the post office.  Where I was greeted by two things: 1) A new bill from my insurance company that was astronomically higher than it was before and 2) A man wearing a tshirt that said “Hillary for prison in 2016” who gave me a wolfish grin and said, funny, ain’t it?  Luckily he accepted silence as an answer. (Later, getting propane, I saw one that said “I refuse to learn a foreign language to accommodate the illegal immigrants coming into MY country” on yet another elderly white man who refused to believe the sidewalk was for anyone other than him .)  Just to add to my joy, I found that essentially now nobody will insure me for anything except my current company, for the aforementioned fortune.  I live in a place with a lot of fires, and my car is old.  It’s kind of like the internet around here: You gotta have it but nobody will provide it to you.  So net, net: the fat white man who crashed into me continues to cause trouble.  I’m betting he voted for turd with teeth, too.

There is of course more, although the good news appears to be the cartels are out of our neighborhood this season.  I constantly remind myself that it’s all a call for kindness, for love and compassion, for rectification of disharmony.  Perched on the high, pointy spot of my current life, it seems dicey but I do it anyway.  And on days when I’m inundated by the effing effontery of life, I do wonder if there is any point at all to what I do. It certainly at times looks like an entire geological age of catastrophe, my little existence.  At the same time it is so clear that there IS intrinsic goodness in our universe, and we can’t wait for results to do what is right and caring.  In that vein I’m going to give the Dog another ice cube, and say bless you to all.


a race against time

Or, perhaps, the black hole of dog toys.  Anyway I see my laptop battery is about to descend into the red, and along with everything else in my current internet spot, finding a working electrical outlet is almost more than I can bear at present so it’s kind of an antediluvian moment.

But, on to dog toys.  Never having had a dog before I was slightly taken aback at the rate of toy demise.  Blue dog? Kaput.  String Man? Invisibled.  So when the brand new and expensive Kong ball and the deer antler chew both disappeared into thin air? I shook my head.  It felt a lot like the day the laundry disappeared, actually.  Eventually however we found that The Dog had taken to dropping all his toys behind the couch.  For safe keeping?  Who knows.  Anyway as of this writing his couch privileges have been revoked.  He’s moping a bit about that but the truth is he’s almost too big to be on the couch anyway.  Small couch, big dog.

Now, though, in the frozen sunrises when we’re out for his morning procedures, I have had the opportunity to remember once again how important it is to really appreciate what’s in front of you.  Things have been  BLOODY GODAWFUL this month, and I admit, Gentle Reader, that I have been in a place way lower than the dumps.  But when I’m out with The Dog, and the trees are humming with little birds discussing breakfast, and Mt.Shasta is in the distance, gleaming and pink in front of the bird’s egg blue sky, I have to think that in fact there’s not much more a person could want.  Aside from ending the use of fossil fuels, I mean.

I had occasion to finally understand something that’s been just about eating me alive lately, too.  A VERY long standing, evisceratingly painful situation, revealed itself to be actually just an intense lesson that I had to learn.  In a sense, nothing personal although the situation SEEMED very personal.  I realized that I had to look at it not from the standpoint of someone being mortally wounded, but of someone who had to develop a certain skill set and way of looking at the world in order to grow.  No harm, no foul, in the big picture.  I also realized that the enormous asshat who ran into me in that parking lot? was just being himself when he was threatening me with bodily harm and all the rest of it, and that too really didn’t have much to do with me, beyond the fact that I was there and had the bad timing to be in his path at that moment.

It was, all in all, a good lesson for me about fear, which I have a lot of.  No reason for too much of it, really.  So, I guess on the whole progress of a sort has been made, albeit tiny.  Now I just have to work on my exploding head when I hear things like Ben Carson saying that the refugee camps in Jordan are “quite nice”, as well as when people dismiss, at Thanksgiving, the genocidal activity that took place at this Great Country’s creation and is the story told about the “holiday”, and say that it’s all been “resolved”.  No, actually, no it hasn’t.  The challenge is to continue working on resolution with love.  Thank goodness The Dog periodically reminds me what time it is.  Meanwhile, battery out!